Water Under the Bridge
by Rainlie Jennasie
Summary: Severus made the awful mistake of lashing out at the one person he truly cared about in his entire like. Now it's up to him to make Lily understand why it happened, and to make amends with the girl he loves.
Written for the: Quidditch League Practice Round #2
Playing for the: Ballycastle Bats Quidditch Team  
In the position of: Chaser #3  
With the prompts: (word)leaving, (dialogue)"We can't do that!", and (quote)"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia."  
Required Genre: Romance  
With the word count of: 2947  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to with Harry Potter or the lovely world that was created by the amazing J.K. Rowling.  
Thanks: To my awesome beta, Haley! Thanks for taking time out of your day to look at my work, give me feedback, and make suggestions. I truly appreciate it.

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 **Water Under the Bridge**

Flickering torchlight turned the long library corridor into a masque of contorted shadows that moved in an eerie ballet on the flagstone walls. Severus watched the morose display with grim disinterest from where he skulked in the veil of darkness beside a pier, seething over the backbone he didn't seem to possess. The faint sound of footsteps, from behind the eminent library entrance, drew his ebon gaze down the passageway to stare begrudgingly at the oaken doors. He should be in there trying to fix things with Lily, the girl he loved, not lurking on the fourth floor like some sort of weakling! There was no good reason for his cowardice other than an incessant fear that Lily wouldn't forgive him for calling her the unthinkable, a _Mudblood_. She'd been his best friend until that day, and he had thrown it all away for what: to impress his Slytherin friends? Any secret plans he had to make their relationship something more...romantic of nature had been washed away. No, he needed to apologize. He should be down on his knees begging for forgiveness, not sneaking around like a slimy coward of a snake waiting for the opportune time.

Severus stared at the door, pondering his predicament. If he could get his hands on a Time Turner, he would go back to that day and keep himself from ever crossing paths with _Potter_ and his gang of insufferable friends. Then he would never have been humiliated, nor would he have lashed out when Lily came to his defence when his robes were forced over the top of his head. _If it were only that easy_ , he thought with malice. He'd let the actions of an unbearable, arrogant prat get the best of him, and in doing so, he'd hurt the only girl he'd ever really cared about. To make it even worse, as much at he _hated_ Potter and his friends, Severus had to bitterly admit that his actions were his own fault. Now, the only thing left to do was try to make amends. He had to go into the library and talk to Lily.

But, what if Potter and the hooligans he called friends were in there with her? His apology would turn into a complete disaster if he went in there now, expecting to find Lily alone, but instead, found a group of Gryffindor boys with her. Severus didn't think he could muster the courage to say what he needed to say if they were there to poke fun at him. The seed of uncertainty that had taken root in the pit of his stomach began to grow the longer he stared at the library doors, uncertain of what he should do. He didn't get a chance to decided what that would be, however, because one of the library doors opened and Lily walked out, alone.

The first thing he noticed was that she looked beautiful with the glowing torchlight shining on her silky scarlet hair, making it glitter like a halo of rubies as she walked down the corridor. Severus couldn't move from where he stood staring, open-mouthed, feeling as if Eros himself was casting a love spell on his heart. Merlin, he could barely process a comprehensible thought. He felt as if someone had cast a _Stupify_ spell on him. It wasn't until Lily nearly reached his hiding spot in the shadows that he mentally shook himself and stepped out into her path.

Lily jumped back with a startled yelp, clutching one hand to her heaving chest. When she realized who was standing in front of her, Lily's emerald eyes narrowed dangerously. Her delicately arched eyebrows came together in an irritated scowl, and she snapped, "What do you want, Severus?"

The bitterness laced through her words sent a pang of sadness straight to his heart. Dropping his gaze, he mumbled, "I—I wanted to talk to you."

"So you what—thought it would be a good idea to creep around in the shadows before scaring me to death? Great idea." He heard her give an exasperated sigh, then she continued, "What did you want to talk to me about? Are you here to call me names again? Sorry to disappoint you, but there's no one else around to hear it. You'll just have to wait."

Her words made him give her a hard look. What he saw in her face, sliding through her beguiling green gaze, made him feel like the world's biggest tosser. He could tell that she was trying to put up a tough facade so that he wouldn't see that, deep down, she thought he was there to hurt her again. Severus shook his head and said softly, "Lily, I—I never meant to hurt you. What I said to you that afternoon was wrong, and we both know that. It's just that _Potter_ —"

"No, Severus, don't you dare blame James for what you said," Lily exclaimed. "He didn't make you call me a _Mudblood_. That was all on you! I don't care how angry or embarrassed you were by James and his petty behaviour, you had no right to say such a foul thing to me when all I did was try to help you."

"You're right," Severus began in a fervid rush while trying to ignore the dull ache in his chest. "I know that it was my fault for calling you that _name_. It should have never even crossed my mind, let alone my lips. You know that I don't really think that—"

"Do I?" Lily bit out. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was giving him a pointed look. "I asked you once if it made a difference, being muggle-born, and you said no, Severus. Clearly it does. You think I'm not good enough because my parents aren't magically inclined."

Severus took a step back, shocked that she thought him so sardonic. His hand reached out but fell away when she stepped just out of his grasp. "Lily, I don't care if you _are_ muggle-born. You're one of the most brilliant witches that I've ever seen. What I said—it was out of order. I was humiliated in front of anyone close enough to see what that lout did to me. I wasn't thinking when I lashed out like that. You have to know I didn't mean it. I couldn't ever think something like that about you. You're my best friend—my only _real_ friend— and you mean more to me than that."

"Well, if that's true, you have a funny way of showing it. Besides, how can I be your only _real_ friend? What about your mates Avery and Mulciber? You're always roaming the halls with them even though I don't approve of it. They're bad people, Severus, and you're turning into one of them," she said sternly.

He shook his head in denial. "I'm not turning into one of them, Lily. I don't even like them for Merlin's sake! But, let's not forget that I don't really approve of your little _friends_ either!"

"Who, James and the others? They're just a bunch of troublemakers, and they are nothing like the idiots you hang out with. Those boys shout _Mudblood_ at all of the muggle-born people who go to school here! I've heard you doing it yourself. If you can call others that awful word, what must you really think of me?" Lily demanded. The stubborn set of her jaw was a clear indication that she was absolutely furious with him.

Severus grew quiet. He didn't know how he could possibly ever tell Lily the truth about why he really spent his time with thugs like Avery and Mulciber. How could he explain that he was doing it for Professor Dumbledore? That their Headmaster had wanted Severus to be his eyes and ears in a snake pit of fledgling Death Eaters? Even if he did explain it to her, would she truly believe him? The only thing he could do was try.

"Lily, do you still—trust me?" Severus asked gently.

She looked at him with uncertainty etched across her beautiful face. Avoiding his dark eyes, she said, "I don't know. I used too, when I knew who you really were. Now—now I just don't know. You were my dearest friend from the time we were children. We used to spend every moment together. Then—then you started spending time with those Slytherins. I've watched you change into someone I don't even recognize anymore, and do you know the worst part, Sev? I stood by you through it all because I—I loved—you." Tears were glittering in Lily's emerald eyes by the time her voice faded with a broken crackle.

Severus swallowed hard. He felt as if his heart was either going to explode with happiness or be torn apart by the sadness in Lily's voice. He had loved Lily for a long time, and now this confession of her love might have come too late. "L—loved me?"

"Yes, Severus. But, then you messed things up. Now I just don't know what to think. My stupid heart wants me to love you, but my mind keeps telling me it would be a mistake." Lily gave a little sniffle as she hoisted the sliding strap of her book bag back into place on her thin shoulder.

"Lily, please believe me when I said that I love you. I've wanted nothing more than to tell you that for years, but I've been too afraid to tell you how I really feel. I was scared that you didn't feel the same way. But now—" His voice broke off and was followed by a long moment of silence before he continued, "If you'll give me a chance and just listen to what I have to say, perhaps you'll see that I'm still the old Sev you used to spend your summers with. I haven't changed. It might seem like I have, but maybe it'll make you think a little differently if you know why I've been acting so unlike myself. Will you come somewhere with me?" He gave her a pleading look, hoping with all of his ever-beating heart that she would trust him one last time.

Her expression was one of uncertainty when she asked, "What?"

"I want you to come with me to Professor Dumbledore's office," Severus stated matter-of-factly.

"We can't do that!" Lily exclaimed. "Student's aren't allowed to bother the Headmaster without a justified reason!"

"But I want him to explain why I've been spending so much time pretending to be someone I'm not. He can tell you that—"

"That you are my spy among the enemy," a clear voice said slowly from behind them. They both turned to see Professor Dumbledore walking down the hall toward them, his blue eyes sparkling from behind his half-moon spectacles. "Good evening, Mister Snape, Miss Evans."

"Good evening, Professor," Lily greeted in surprise.

"What are you doing here, Professor Dumbledore?" Severus asked. He too was shocked to see their Headmaster standing before them, as if conjured by the words spoken mere moments before.

Professor Dumbledore gave them a kind smile. "I thought it might be nice to stretch my legs and pay a visit to the library for a bit of reading. It would seem that I made the right choice, as it appears you wanted to speak with me."

"Yes, Professor. I wanted you to tell Lily the truth," Severus said.

Lily glanced between the two of them with open confusion on her face. Dumbledore nodded and spoke softly, so only the two of them could hear. "Ah, of course. Well, Miss Evans, as I'm sure that I can trust you with this, I'll tell you. I've heard from a very reliable source that Voldemort is still gathering followers. He's now turned to the families who owe him allegiance, most of whom have children who are sorted into Slytherin. Why, Severus' own family have been staunch followers of Voldemort—"

"Until now," burst Severus.

Dumbledore's head bobbed in agreement. "Until now. Severus is very different from his own parents. He's proven himself to be a trustworthy individual time and time again. In fact, his steadfast friendship with you, Miss Evans, was one of the reasons why I came to him in the first place. He has proven that blood-status isn't important to him when it is so important for the others of his house. So, I asked Severus to studiously watch over what happens among the Slytherin students, to look out for those expressing interests in the dark side. I told him to befriend those who seemed relevant possibilities, and above all else I told him not to let on that he was my spy."

"So—Sev's only been doing what you've asked him to do?" Lily asked in a small voice.

"Yes, Miss Evans. Though, I never meant for you to be hurt by his lack of self-control." The Headmaster gave Severus a stern look. "I hope that you've made amends for your actions."

'I'm trying, sir," Severus admitted sheepishly.

Dumbledore smiled approvingly. "Good. Now, if you two will excuse me, I really must be leaving. I hear the books calling my name. Good night." With that said, Dumbledore tipped his head to them and walked away.

Severus waited until Dumbledore was out of earshot before blurting out, "I'm sorry for what I called you, Lily. I never meant too. Saying it around Avery and Mulciber, to impress them, has made it a reflexive thing to say. I didn't mean it. I really hope that you'll forgive me."

"Sev, I'm—" Lily began.

"Don't, you couldn't have known."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you'd understand why I had to do it. I don't want to be like them, Lily. I want to be someone who will make a difference when the coming war finally hits our people. If I'm the eyes and ears for Dumbledore, I might be able to help somehow. Lily—imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. We look ahead and think of all the things we want to do with our lives, and it keeps us going. If we can picture ourselves experiencing something better in the time to come, it makes life bearable. But, most of the time the things we want never come to pass. We just use the future as a way to escape the present. I don't want to do that anymore, Lily."

She could hear the frustration in his voice, which prompted her to ask,"What do you mean, Sev?"

"What I'm trying to say is that I want to experience the things that I see in the future. I want to prove that I'm not just some mindless follower of the Dark Lord. If I become Dumbledore's spy, I can help him when the time comes. If it means I have to befriend a bunch of idiots to do so, I will. But it also means that I need to make things right with you, Lily. I want you to be a big part of my future, and the only way that'll happen is if you forgive me for being so foolish. The truth is—I'm in love with you. The only way I can imagine my life is if you're a part of it. I just need to know that it's not too late, that I haven't messed this up beyond repair."

Lily took in the sincerity in Severus' dark eyes. They were the same eyes she'd spent years gazing into, feeling her heart flutter when they smiled at her. This was the same Sev that she'd spent endless hours with, learning about magic. Could she really hold a grudge against him for what he had said in anger? She didn't think so. She reached out a hand and took one of his. "Sev, I forgive you. But, if you ever say something like that to me again, it'll be the end of us."

"I swear, it'll never happen again. You mean too much for me to make that mistake again." He squeezed her hand gently. "But, can you ever love me again? If there's even the slightest chance that you can I—"

Lily pressed a finger to his mouth before he could continue. "Sev, I've known that you held a special place in my heart for a long time. I just didn't say anything because we were friends. What if it had ruined that? I didn't want to take the chance. But, if what you say is true, if you love me, I think it would be a foolish thing to ignore these feelings inside of me."

"Does that mean—" He let his voice trail off uncertainly.

She gave him a gentle smile. "It means that I'm forgiving you. You hurt me deeply, Sev. But, if you really do care for me, I'm willing to open myself up to the idea of _us_. You'll just have to prove to me that I've made the right decision."

He saw the mischievous glint in her green eyes and couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. He pulled her toward him so that he could wrap his arms around her in a tight hug that spoke of relief, happiness and unconditional love. As he held her, breathing in the floral scent of her hair, he said, "Lily Evans, I promise you right now that I'll spend the rest of my life proving that you've made the right decision as long as you'll let me."


End file.
